Workplace- Anger Management

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Has anyone here ever experienced aggression at work, from a co-worker? Well, It finally happened to me. Now, I have to take some anger man. class. Without going to deep into it, I'll just say that I was just truly trying to protect myself. After, I was assaulted first. What was I supposed to do? Take it and go on. Don't think so. I'm from Southern MS. and us Rednecks aren't raised like that. Now he knows it too. Man, I've gotten to old for that crap. Seems he had some issues bothering him before work, because this took place at 7:30 a.m. Asked the question to the wrong person at the wrong time. My exact words were: (Have you seen the ground clamp for the Mig machine? It's missing.)  He went balistic. It's that split second, after he cussed me and shoved me in the chest with both hands, that I too, sort of forgot I was at work.If it's HOT, Don't touch it
Reply:well i would of done the same thing, "somebody best learn to act right 'fore they get smacked up right".  but i guess the best thing to do now is just take the anger management course.  i had to get a phsycologist to talk to me about "addictions" before my work would let me come back.... so im gonna assume that it would be the best course of action
Reply:if you yell at me because your having a bad day ill take some just course i know some people have not evolved ,but i wont take to much ,now if you put your hands on me well thats going to be a hole norther thing  ,not much help but having to go to anger management for defending my self would send me off the deep endChuckASME Pressure Vessel welder
Reply:I agree with your actions. I can take some crap from people who are in bad moods.  But when you get physical, I dont give a crap what problems you have elsewhere, don't take it all out on me. Thats when I will dish it back.
Reply:There are lots of "tricks" to handling a person with a bad attitude.  The course will give you those skills.  I, being rather meek, use the stone face a lot.  It is hard for someone to escalate if the other party just steps back and gives him deer eyes showing no emotion and not answering his demands. Keeping eye contact though is important.  It drives them nuts!  That is the best part of being passive aggressive.   I did this one with one bully then slowly turned and walked out of the shop.  He followed me then started to shout apologies when I walked off the property and went to my truck.  I returned five minutes late like nothing happened.  It went bad for him because everyone saw what was happening.     Another way is just to quit.  In these economic times where jobs are easy to find it is very effective.  Management is desperate and they don't want people around who lose them employees. The less dramatic and faster the quitting is the more effective it is.  I did this on the job previous to this one but I chose my time very carefully.  The foreman I work for now is great.  He treats me so well I would do anything for him.      Another way is the broken record.  " Talk to the foreman about it.  He's my boss"  Over and over and over and over.  The guy finally gave up .... He actually apologized the next day.  I have to give him credit.    .... Or this story ( I am full of them) was told to me by an American is the best.  In this shop in the L.A. area these two guys start fighting back in the paint area, one black and one white.  It was just at quitting time and the horn had sounded.  The company figured it was on their own time so didn't do anything about it.  Next morning the two meet at the time clock.  The white guy pulls out this long hunting knife and starts to describe in great detail how he is going to eviserate him.  The black guy calmly reaches behind and pulls out a gun and says " Well... You are going to have to do it from there."  That ended the conflict and since they had not punched in the union and company ignored it.  That's the American Way :'))
Reply:I will not put my hands on any man, unless laid a hand on first. Then it's,"To **** with company policy."
Reply:Putting hands on someone is wrong but returning the action just makes things worse.  Once you end up with a criminal record it is hard to get the juicy out of country jobs or get security clearance.  In my books right or wrong getting an assault charge against you closes too many doors.  There are better ways.  Vengence is best served cold.
Reply:Generally I take an approach similar to lotech's that is to try to deflect the situation.   As he points out if your not careful you can end up with a reputation.    There comes a point though were defending yourself is an absolute requirement and frankly it is hard to put down in writing where that point is, but  aggressive physical contact certainly would be reason to physically teminate what is happening.    Further, while some may object, If blood has been drawn I think it is time to call the cops especially if you are not familiar with the guys history.Generally though try to keep as few people as possible in the loop and try to keep the intensity of the conflict down.   The worst part about such conflicts is that you can very easily end up looking like the bad guy, even if you where the one attacked.    The worst part about these sorts of guys is that go hot to cold real quick and have had experience in the past managing their behaviour to their advantage.   I also have to wonder if you might have gone just a little over board in your response to the agression?I have to agree with others though that finding another job due to the request to take anger management classes is demanded in this situation.    I see nothing to indicate you where angery, more a question of being ponced on.    Your reason for leaving has to be communicated to the highest levels of management you have access to, in a calm and rational manner.    To many people in management these days are only concerned about covering their asses and should suffer for it, if they don't want to get to the bottom of an issue.As an aside years ago I worked in a zinc foundry and got pulled aside one day by the boss to discuss my attitude.    The problem at hand was, to put kindly, my distanceing my self from the people on the floor.    I was working maintenance at the time, but the guy goes on to explain how easily it would be to get hurt in a ghastly manner in the plant.   That may well have been the case, but staying out of the day to day personality clashes always seem to be like a good thing to me.    Believe me there are some "personalities" in plants like these.    I can't say if my approach was right or wrong but if people think you are a bit off your rocker sometimes that helps.Funny thing is my current job involves maintenance in a technologicly advance plant.  Much automation and stuff.    Here I have to work hard just to keep in touch with the people on the floor, management or engineering or just about anybody.    It is like you are running your own business and the customers only come around when you are needed.   I've had weeks and months go by without seeing the boss or the manager.   Very strange indeed.ThanksDave
Reply:I would agree the whole pushing match thing is difficult.  I personally would have a hard time not fighting back.  Im small, but Im stocky.  Ive held my own against guys bigger and Never been afraid to loose.  Sometimes it pisses bigger guys off.  But in the end I always fear the consequences more than getting my @ss whoopedIF it Catches...Let it Burn
Reply:I've always had anger management issues and I've found that the best approach to dealing with aggressive people is to cultivate as much kindness and empathy towards them as possible while maintaining a firm stance on what behavior I will permit.  People are subject to human nature and as such sometimes allow themselves to be ruled by their emotions.  Human nature being what it is makes it easy to forgive someone (and oneself) for their weakness.If I had been in a similar situation minus the physical conflict, I would have apologized for disturing the other individual and tried to explain that no affront was intended and that more consideration and respect would be appreciated.  When people figure out that an individual will give them the utmost consideration and respect they generally reciprocate in kind.  I generally avoid those that don't, but I will give them every opportunity to prove otherwise.In light of the physical altercation, I have  no idea how I would have responded.  It would entirely depend on my ability to maintain a clear presence of mind and retreat from the situation.  When in the presence of extreme aggression I have sometimes "slipped" and failed to maintain control of my own aggression.  Fortunately, this loss of control rarely lasts for more than a second or two and nobody has ever been seriously hurt.-Heath
Reply:Thanks everyone. I'll try to take note to what ya'll have said. But to keep my job, I have to do the anger man. thing. It's hard to give up a 80-100G a yr. job just like that. This thing sure did turn around on me, because he was the only one with signs of a struggle.Last edited by Root Dog; 04-30-2006 at 05:14 PM.If it's HOT, Don't touch it
Reply:What drivel...The man asked a simple question and the neanderthal went ballistic.  Once the neanderthal puts hands on that is assault.  What was Root Dog supposed to do?   Go fetal position and play dead while neanderthal acted our his aggressions on him?  Please.....   Every human being has a right to protect themselves.  Revenge is best served cold but you have to protect your body/lif then and there.  I for one say you acted properly Root Dog.   I have been in your situation.   I was also asked to attend anger management classes.   My response was simply this..."The situation we have here is more one of you (the company) failing to provide a safe work environment for me.  You knew of neanderthal's outbusts in the past but have chosen to sit idely by and do nothing.  Your inaction in dealing with Mr. Neanderthal  has now created this event.   I do not see how my protecting myself is cause for an anger management class.  I rather see me filing assault charges against Mr. Neanderthal and looking into possible charges against the company and you personally Mr. supervisor for encouraging and environment where this could occur.   I will be willing however, to let bygones be bygones.   The choice is yours."The end result was all actions were dropped and work went back to normal.  Mr. neanderthal was quietly dismissed and is no longer a problem.Your company is forcing the anger management crap on you because they feel your going to bend over and take it.  Straighen the backbone out and professionally refuse.  This is simply more of the assinine "I don't care who started it your all wrong" ideology.My take on the matter...  for better or worse.StevenInspiring Thought for the Day:Some people are like slinkies ... Not really good for anything....but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
Reply:Very difficult situation. Like john35 I'm a "no touch" kinda guy unless I'm serious and prepared to deal with the consequences. When others take that step I would probably assume they are too. It's a tough call. Can't say what you shoulda done or even I would for sure do. For ME personally, a lot would depend on whether or not I actually thought the guy was an immediate threat or all huff. If I thought he was all huff, personal issues or not, I would inform him that if he ever touched me again I would rip his heart out and eat it for breakfast while he watched. Pride and principle trump company policy. I won't give either up for a job. You did what you did. Take your class and don't look back.
Reply:Originally Posted by SandyFor ME personally, a lot would depend on whether or not I actually thought the guy was an immediate threat or all huff. If I thought he was all huff, personal issues or not, I would inform him that if he ever touched me again I would rip his heart out and eat it for breakfast while he watched.
Reply:funny this should come up here now...i basicially work "way out back" by myself running a lathe when not zappingthere is one person in the shop that is a hazard to himself and anyone around himi wont get into itbut he has this habit of following me where ever i go when i come "down front" to wash my handsget a drink from the coolerget lunch from the 'fridgeetc etc etc and there is NO REASON to leave your machine at this point in time!!!!!i basically ignore people that are a waste of time because eventually they end up wasting your time too...but saturday when i went into the office to check the e-mail there he was right behind me..i flat out told him to "knock it off" before i flatten himhe tells the boss i threatend himi tell the boss it was'nt a threat it was a promise..but thats just the hockey player in mei grew up with my employersi would never touch the guy thats a no no but such as in hockey intimidation can go a long way ...zap!I am not completely insane..Some parts are missing Professional Driver on a closed course....Do not attempt.Just because I'm a  dumbass don't mean that you can be too.So DON'T try any of this **** l do at home.
Reply:Anger management classes are just a way for the company to cover their a$$es so if something like that happens again they're less likely to be sued. You didn't say but I hope the other guy has to go to the class also!!Sure, I can fix it... I got a welder!!!
Reply:Originally Posted by Root DogThanks everyone. I'll try to take note to what ya'll have said. But to keep my job, I have to do the anger man. thing. It's hard to give up a 80-100G a yr. job just like that. This thing sure did turn around on me, because he was the only one with signs of a struggle.
Reply:A burst of anger can cause a lot of long-term problems.  A criminal conviction and possible civil court penalties far outweigh any momentary satisfaction you might get from knocking heads.  I fought frequently in grade school.  Now, you can go to jail for that.  I nearly beat my brother to death with a piece of living room furniture...we both ended up in the hospital, where we found out that we were fighting over something someone else had caused.  Unfortunately, neither of us had any health insurance...last fight we ever had and we both still have substantial scars to remind us of it.  I won that fight, by the way...but still regret it.if you are in danger, that's another story...but often we really aren't and we know it.I am southern and fighting comes as naturally as my southern accent.  But, sometimes you have to fight the urge to fight, if you have a family that depends on you, especially so.  If a person establishes a history of aggression, they will be gone soon anyway.  A firm cannot afford to keep that kind of potential work hazard in the workplace.  Employers have been held liable for keeping problem workers onboard until they snapped.  Just report that kind of behavior in writing and avoid contact.  If they initiate something, file charges and consult a civil lawyer.  That's a much more painful response than a broken nose.Now, if I can only take my own advice....Smithboy...if it ain't broke, you ain't tryin'.
Reply:What I've found works a treat is to get inside their head - and screw with it. I don't care if it's right or wrong, but if someone is giving you trouble you can screw with them so much that they leave.  In order to do this though you've got to be the best in the shop or on the site at what you do. I've never had a fight at work (god knows how). But if someone get's real aggro make sure there's other people around that are paying attention to what's happening. That way you've got a defence.StephenI'd rather be hunting........USE ENOUGH HEAT.......Drifting around Aussie welding more pipe up, for something different.....wanting to get home.
Reply:Simple solution a guy did to dealt witha guy once.   He put ExLax in his coffee one morningHE wet his britches and was so embarrased he dragged up and never showed back.  Dint even pick up his tools or check...Had his brother and wife!IF it Catches...Let it Burn
Reply:Originally Posted by wirehuntWhat I've found works a treat is to get inside their head - and screw with it. I don't care if it's right or wrong, but if someone is giving you trouble you can screw with them so much that they leave.
Reply:Originally Posted by TxRedneckSimple solution a guy did to dealt witha guy once.   He put ExLax in his coffee one morningHE wet his britches and was so embarrased he dragged up and never showed back.  Dint even pick up his tools or check...Had his brother and wife!
Reply:but then again on the other hand....kill them with kindness and really keep them guessing got that from a soap opera..dont ask  ...zap!I am not completely insane..Some parts are missing Professional Driver on a closed course....Do not attempt.Just because I'm a  dumbass don't mean that you can be too.So DON'T try any of this **** l do at home.
Reply:My problem Heath with the idea of getting into someones head is for whatever reason I cant fit my big @ss in there.. No matter how Hard I try   IF it Catches...Let it Burn
Reply:When I worked shift we had a comunnity kitchen.   We would cook and put leftovers in the fridge for the next night.  Of course we had some characters that thought that the purpose of putting the leftovers in the fridge was to feed thier shift.  We asked them not to eat it ... we put signs on the pot...   Nothing worked.  So.....  One little test the field boys ran was titrating the strength of nitric acid that was being produced.  The titration agent was phenothalin (SP?)  or the active ingredient in Ex-Lax.  Well a couple of drops of that in the turnip green pot and shutting off the water to the toilet in the field made for an interesting night.  The next day they were pi**ed as heck and we never had a problem with grocery issues again.Man that brings back memories StevenInspiring Thought for the Day:Some people are like slinkies ... Not really good for anything....but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.similar case, community fridge.   Someone was eatin the lunches.  Well a fellow brought in rocky mountain oysters and after they came up eaten it was announced what had been eaten.     Wasnt to hard to figure outIF it Catches...Let it Burn
Reply:Chris,When I used to work at a local plastics plant, the same thing happened a lot.  A couple of the ladies on my shift decided to start bringing in their month old left-overs without telling anyone...not moldy, but close.  It turned out to be a woman from the previous shift that would wait around to steal food right after everyone clocked in.  They figured out who it was because she accused them of trying to poison her.  She tried to make the plant pay her worker's comp for her getting sick from stealing bad food from the company fridge.  Needless to say, that didn't work out too well for her.  She got fired.  I guess they don't have a materials safety data sheet for month-old chinese takeout.Smithboy...if it ain't broke, you ain't tryin'.
Reply:yuckIve seen guys put jabanero(sp) peppers in their food..mexican food naturally, to cause great suffering to the infiltrators.  However, this usually doesnt work if others are putting burger king and popeyes chicken in there tooIF it Catches...Let it Burn
Reply:I had my peanut butter and jam sandwhich stolen once.  That really pissed me offIF it Catches...Let it Burn
Reply:Had a guy stealing sandwiches at work, I made a sandwich and left it in the fridge. That was years ago and to this day everyone calls him Mighty Dog.
Reply:hijacked thread no not really lol...zap!I am not completely insane..Some parts are missing Professional Driver on a closed course....Do not attempt.Just because I'm a  dumbass don't mean that you can be too.So DON'T try any of this **** l do at home.
Reply:it does feel hijacked zap...but than again who really keepin track of these things lolIF it Catches...Let it Burn
Reply:My feeling is that there is a difference between self defense and saving face.  unless the fellow is clearly going to hurt you, responding to violence with violence isn't self defense it's escalation.  Self defence only happens when you're preventing some one from seriously hurting you.  While a violent response to violence may be just, employers with whom I've had experience don't really care.  Furthermore a violent response often hurts the responder.  Watching hockey while growing up my father always used to point out that it was the guy who responded to the push or whatever who got penalized.  As such you're much better off making a complaint to a superior and watching your crazy co-worker get his punishment that way.  It's very unlikely that you'll get seriously hurt if you can easily leave the scene and others are around.  If you two were alone and you were backed into a corner then self defense may have been the only sensible thing.  Having said that once the fight or flight response kicks in it's often hard to think rationally about how to respond and as such I can't promise I would have done any better myself.  Just because I may have done the same thing doesn't change the fact that it is best not to respond with violence yourself unless absolutely neccessary.  All you can do is your best, but it helps to think about what the best thing to do is in advance.  Of course you have to decide where your priorities lie between saving face for "mr. neanderthal," keeping your job, enjoying the time you'd otherwise spend in silly classes, keeping good standing at your job such that when promotions and raises come along you'll likely get one, staying out of jail, and being able to provide for any family you have or may have in the future.  Concerns such as these sometimes mean that the more courageous thing to do is to run from the fight rather that  stand up to the aggressor.  Overall the best course of action is a complex issue and the right choice is dependent on many different factors.
Reply:Ok enough of this..Give me a name and an address..  My mall nija buddies can handle this offline  For the humor impared...The above was indeed a jokeing remak Inspiring Thought for the Day:Some people are like slinkies ... Not really good for anything....but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
Reply:There's a difference in getting physical out of anger and getting physical out of self defense.  If it truly was self defense, and my employer was giving me grief over it, I'd have some questions for them to answer to:1)  If I had not protected myself, what was the company going to do to protect me at that moment?2)  What does the company plan to do to prevent the possibility that this same man will not pose a threat to me and/or other employees in the future?3)  If they require that you go to anger management classes, do they plan to pay for the class, time in class, and accrued expenses?4)  Do they plan to pay for you to go to counseling to help you deal with your thoughts of being unsafe around this other person in the workplace?  5)  Do they hope to resolve this situation with negotiation, or do they wish prefer to settle it through attorneys.Of course, it's best to work this out with the company, but if worse comes to worse, you sometimes have to fight fire with fire.As for what I'd have done in the situation you had...    I will defend myself, with violence if necessary.